Then, Skylin (I'll call her Skylin because it's close to her real name) told me what she likes to do in her free time. Instagram and taking photos. Clothing photos and kids clothes too. Sports. Then she asked, "What do you like to do, Ruth? What are your hobbies and interests?"
My mind flashed all the things I could say. How I blog about Jesus and things that aggravate me about the church and how my hobbies are dwindling because I am going to eight soccer games a week and piano classes and tennis matches and band volunteer stuff and how one of my kids had a bad dream that their friends found out we don't go to church and they began to punch and kick them. And how two of my closest friends died in the last few years and one in the last few months and how I'm sure if they were still here I wouldn't be so sad. And how one of my close friends has been sick for almost 8 years and I've fasted and prayed and prayed and prayed so much and she seems to only get worse. And how our sweet bus driver went in for heart surgery this summer and how she was supposed to only be in the hospital a week but weeks turned into a couple months and then she stopped responding to my texts so we went to the hospital as a family and she had forgotten the password to her phone and so we asked if we could all gather around her and hold her hands and arms and legs and each kid took a turn praying for her. The little ones cried the most and when we left I told them she'd be okay and a week later she suddenly passed away. And how they get on the bus now and there's someone new in her place and it's sad. And I saw people I loved that just told me they don't believe in Jesus anymore. And one of them told me they had a plan to take their life and what that plan was. Another who is so solid in the church said they can't do it anymore because their relative is trans but if they leave the church they'll have no support system near them and so I'm scared for that too. Or how I had three close friends in my old neighborhood but once I shared my paper with them they stopped talking to me and how I am mad at myself for oversharing. Looks like I can't seem to learn my lesson. And how when we're low on snacks and the kids tell me we need to buy more of "xy or z" and I say, "Write it on the grocery list" and then I get the grocery list and realize my kids can't spell and that's probably my fault too...And then there's the other things I can't share because it would break my heart to write.
But I looked back at her and answered, "I like to read an old Russian novel every fall." And my mind thought of the book on my couch..."The Idiot" by Dostoevsky. And I tried not to burst into tears but instead admire her perfect skin and wonder how much botox and lazer skin treatments it would take to get me to that level of shine and smooth wonder.
I miss the days when life was easy and problems were small. When I didn't know pain and loss. I know wisdom and treasures are produced from these times but it still hurts nonetheless.
Jesus - we need more of You.
The book of Revelation teaches us about the power of prayer:
Revelation 5:
8 And when he had taken the book, the four beasts and four and twenty elders fell down before the Lamb, having every one of them harps, and golden vials full of odours, which are the prayers of saints.
Revelation 8:
3 And another angel came and stood at the altar, having a golden censer; and there was given unto him much incense, that he should offer it with the prayers of all saints upon the golden altar which was before the throne.
4 And the smoke of the incense, which came with the prayers of the saints, ascended up before God out of the angel's hand.
Many of you reading this blog are seeking to know your standing before Jesus and the Father. You think about Them and long for Them. And what I find beautiful is that God put that hunger in your heart (John 6:44).
When I first started on this path - as I have shared before - I was intense and continually pounding on the doors of heaven. It is my way. I struggle with passionate outbursts and intense feelings and once I knew Jesus was an option for anyone - not just the high priest once a year in the holy of holies...I went from being like the depressed Peter who'd gone fishing after the Lord died to seeing He had come just for me and I was jumping out of the boat - racing to get to the Risen Lord on the seashore.
I want to say that these passionate seekings for the Lord are good. Beautiful even. Fastings, long prayers, big sacrifices - all powerful things. I also want to say that there is a sweet love and worship that I have come to abide in that is much more tender and deep than that which I had before. One can only live at that intensity for so long before you risk burn out or possibly turning away from the Lord. It becomes an all or nothing experience and, over time, it can weaken the heart and depress the soul. Of course one must follow the spirit and do what they feel to do. But for those who are longing for the Lord and are open to slower pace but sweeter continual worship of seeking Him - I recommend just loving Jesus. Loving Him without expectations that if I do "xy&z" it will open the heavens and then I'll get "xy&z" in return for my efforts.
Just Love Him.
Try talking to Him as you would a friend. Invite Him into your day and talk to Him about your heart. Think about setting an alarm of your phone to pray daily for your family and friends and enemies. Ask Him questions. And just love, love, love Him.
The best tangible gift I can offer you (besides scriptures), is the Wild At Heart ministry and their message. One of the greatest things they have produced is their free "30 days to resilient" program. It takes 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes at night. We do it as a family and also alone. About two weeks into the program they challenge you to "find Jesus within". They aren't direct about what they want you to do but once I realized they were trying to help you visualize a connection with Jesus, it was so powerful. I told the kids just to invite Jesus into what they love. Visualize showing Him a favorite rock or hike or game. Anything! They have had the most amazing experiences with Him that no imagination could have thought of on their own. Last night as we were doing it as a family I saw my son showing Jesus his beloved trumpet. Jesus lovingly admired it and invited him to see His trumpets. They were wild and unearthly and He said they were the seven trumpets spoken of in Revelation.
Yes, big devotions are admired by the heavens. And, as a friend taught me, we always have to take care that they do not become our idol. Jesus alone is worthy of our praise and adoration and sometimes we get so caught up in the end goal that we forget to stop and soak up the hike, the path, the smell, sights, and sounds He is offering us along the way. If that applies to you and your servant heart needs some tending to by the King - please consider downloading this app to your phone and trying it for 30 days. It.is.awesome.
I am seriously tech challenged so to get it you need to go to the app store on your phone and type in "pause app" and it should be a white background with a pause sign. They have SO much good stuff there that has connected me back to the Lord and has been healing my anxious heart. I hope this is helpful.
They have also started as series for men and it is phenonmonal. It is not something you can 2x speed and listen to while you work. You can watch the first episode below. It is AWESOME.
Full episode: https://youtu.be/NTdmLUsz7j4?si=-g3b6wdkbx5V44xw
My prayer today:
Oh Lion of Judah!
King of Kings!
Lord of Lords!!
Bless these, your servants, to be lifted up as on Eagles Wings! Let them run in You and not be weary. Let them Walk in You and not faint! Let them seek You all the days of their lives and never turn from You. Though their lives have parallels to Job - let them praise You in the valleys and come to know You in the depths. You have always been there. Bless us with eyes to see and ears to hear You, oh Mighty Lord and KING. Bless them to seek the tongue of an angel to praise You with. Bless them with a glimpse of clarity. Cast off the evil one from them - he who seeks to destroy their soul and their confidence in You, Blessed One. Bless them to praise You when they don't feel You. Bless them to CLING to You and Your Goodness and Mercy.
Teach us to pray.
Teach us to love.
Teach us Your Truth.
Bless, Teach, Open, Lead, Guide, Persuade, and Love us.
You - who are the Author and Finisher of our Faith. Bless us with friendships that we may strengthen one another in prayer and blessing and thanksgiving. Bless those we love to know You! The longing of our hearts - to Know You. Praise evermore our King, our Leader, our Shepherd, our Defender,
The Mighty One of Israel.
Praise forevermore!!!
I hope you like this song. Ruth being weird here: does anyone else listen to songs like this and envision a bunch of strong men dancing before the Lord? In my vision of dancing before the Lord women are always dancing but wow, I always see the strength of men in dance when I hear powerful music. Kind of like this - but praising Jesus and dancing to Him jacked on heavenly steroids.
Praise
by
Elevation Worship
