I've had a couple good religious conversations in the last two weeks where I was told that, "some people (i.e...me)" are okay going to a "lesser kingdom" and that "they wouldn't be happy in a higher kingdom" anyways. And another conversation that the LDS church is the only true church on the earth and if I value the Book of Mormon and Joseph Smith then how could I abandon the understanding that this is the church that its message will save the world? I spent about three hours writing a return email with scriptures and quotes showing we aren't as chosen as we believe we are and it was responded with, essentially, "actually...yes...yes we are chosen".
So it's had me thinking a lot lately about something that shocked me after I experienced being born again. I don't want to share my born again experience because each person's experience will be so radically different. Jesus comes for you in a way that is tailor-made just for you. There was a guy in Utah that would hold meetings and talk about his baptism of fire and then you could share yours and he would judge if it was legit or not. I watched many people doubt all they had experienced with the Lord and get turned around in their thoughts. Because of his behavior - I don't want to be a stumbling block for you. Some people have a sweetness come over them, some fire, some water, some have things totally unique to them. The most important thing is that you ask the Lord if you've been born again and when it was and then trust HIM.
While I was experiencing being born again (it took about a month for me but for my husband it was one moment...see? It's radically different for everyone). But while I was experiencing being born again I was talking to everyone I could about this spiritual cleansing that came over me - I wanted to know what was happening. I talked to spiritual leaders, former temple president, you name it - I needed to understand what was happening. The answers were not coming. I was literally googling, "cancer symptoms" because I thought maybe I was dying. And I was...the old me was.
Over time I began turning my gaze to other Christians on YouTube who were sharing their experiences with the Spirit and with Jesus and I was stunned that some of their stories had similarities with my own. Later my husband asked me to attend a Christian women's retreat and I was skeptical in the extreme. I didn't want to go and was dragging my feet. One night I was asleep yet somehow I was sitting up in my bed and looking at a personage standing in my room. They spoke to me and said gently, "Come...come" and they motioned their hand to move towards them. As I did they handed me an invitation and I opened it and it said, "Walk with God." and I awoke. I got out of bed and went to my computer to see what this Christian women's conference was all about and it literally said, "We want to help people learn how to Walk with God." I went to the conference and experienced Jesus in an unexplainable way I never knew was possible. Being in the church it was hard for me to go from the prideful mindset that it was up to our church to save the world to the reality that it was Jesus, our Savior, who would do a marvelous work and a wonder among ALL His people.
The greatest gift I can give my children is to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. That's it. That's the highest aim, the greatest good and the very best I can do for them. And the struggle we will all encounter in religion is learning (and un-learning) another person's version of Jesus. Hence the need for discernment.
What happens if the person who is leading or teaching us was more of a business person than a spiritual type and they never did get much of a relationship with the Lord? What if their expertise was in their law or medical field or car sales or their fitness equipment business but the personal intimacy with the Lord never quite came through to the degree it did with say, Paul or Alma or Peter? What then?
When we listen to General Conference (or any conference we attend) at times we may actually be listening to people who are on the path but have not yet grabbed hold of the iron rod (I wrote about the iron rod here).
“The world needs witnesses more than it does teachers.” -Pope Paul VI
What are we digesting into our soul when we plop our little families down for eight to ten hours of talks...and then weeks of regurgitation in lessons and Sunday school time?
What version of Jesus are they ingesting and adding to their core understanding of who He is?
What about to our understanding?
You can't tell me that Orwell's prophetic, "two plus two equals five" isn't happening spiritually to our loved ones...and to us. I had a loved one text me a few weeks ago who said multiple times, "If the church isn't true then I won't believe in God anymore."
That's the message the church sends..."it's the Kingdom of God (the LDS church)- or nothing." If you haven't seen it already - a landslide is coming. The tale-tell signs of the avalanche breaking and small chunks falling are happening. It won't take much for the whole thing to come crashing down and the importance for immovable pillars to be found among the deluge of catastrophe is more important than ever. Our loved ones are learning that it's our God - or it's nothing. Watch this video of rising star Elder Brad Wilcox pour that into the youth's malleable brains...and you think this message isn't reverberated at FSY or Seminary or Sunday School? He said that if you leave the church, "Say goodbye to the whole piano (God)...have fun playing chopsticks the rest of your life (no relationship with God)."
One of my most beloved friends in my whole life just told me they no longer believe in God anymore. I cried for two weeks. This is what the church produces - and you're fooling yourself if you believe you can stick your loved ones in a pot of warm water and surely the message won't get warmer and warmer until they're cooked. The message will get warmer and you and your loved ones ability to discern truth from error will become more difficult and before long - God will become a giant question mark. If you aren't feeling to step away, I hear you. You have to do what the spirit is telling you to do. All I am saying is monitor your loved ones closely as you would if they were taking a medication with a list of potentially harmful side effects. Don't check out - see what's sticking and be engaged so that you are there to point them to Jesus.
I'm not going to beat around the bush. We need to know who Jesus is. One way we see who He is is by observing with fresh eyes and discernment what Jesus is doing in the world.
When we live in this Mormon bubble that "we alone" have all the "truth" and it is up to us to preach it to the world and get them saved. These are prideful and arrogant spirits that fill the chapels each week. When I served a mission I remember feeling that each baptism was not 'mine'. I was shocked to see that I did nothing to convert them, nothing to change them...nothing to make them come alive. I felt, to my humbling dismay, that I was merely a spectator watching God's majesty roll forward. I may have said some broken Japanese testimony but their journey to Jesus was all their own and I was privileged to get to watch that. Nothing more. It humbled me deeply and was not what I expected...but was exactly what I needed.
Recently I listened to a podcast of a woman who had come out from a religion that had many similarities to our own. She was dutiful and passionate about her religion's message that their religion alone possessed the highest knowledge mortal man could receive and that it was up to them to save the world. As she awoke to the lies of the religion she began to see the truth in the world. She saw that there were truly honest and good people all around her and that utterly shocked her. She had always believed that everyone else was blind and her religion alone could see.
It was overwhelming for her to witness the goodness of others around her. Here's some of what she said, "You think you're the only one doing anything because (of her religion). But then I saw that there were good people in the world that have no interest...no ulterior motive...no vested interest in helping somebody...I was shocked by the goodness of people. That I thought the world was so screwed because they weren't part of (her religion) because I thought we were the only good people in the world. It sounds so stupid and juvenile."Then the interviewer asked her how many people were in her religion and she said the number (a relatively low number), "It gives the appearance...at these big events (think general conference) they show what (the religion is doing) and they use statistics of 100's of millions....and say "we bought this building and that building"...and that would indicate growth. That's the subliminal message to you...but they are just buildings....they have to (buy property) for tax purposes and the appearance that it's growing. Because they have to offload some of this money....They believe they're the elite of mankind...that they are saving (everyone). So when you go on their website and they say they're the largest growing religion and the only religion with the solutions to life...when you make those kinds of claims...they think that everyone else is lost."
She went to therapy after leaving her religion and said (humorously) to her therapist that because of the brainwashing she received, "I just want you to know that I think I know more than you." She said that in her religion they, "...believe they have the answers and when you believe that...you have shut yourself off to the fruits of observation to experiencing other people to opening your heart up to things. It shuts you off completely."
I have to ask myself, do I still have that LDS savior mindset? Do you? If we do, it only serves to fill us with a pride which spirit seeks to further alienate you from the pure love of God He shares so abundantly with all of His creations.
And so it is in the world. God is doing a marvelous work and wonder among ALL those who have eyes to see and ears to hear His voice (Mark 9: 38-40). I encourage you to expand your mind beyond what God is doing in the church (or the offshoot you may be in currently) and see what God is doing in the world.
One way to come out of the symbolic Plato's cave of Mormonism (and now Mormonism offshoots that have come about in the last few years) is to watch or listen to Christian testimonies (I will share a bunch of links at the end of this post). If you have experienced a mighty change of heart they will resonate. If you haven't yet experienced that yet but desire that experience, then they will inspire you. And if they seem "nice" but aren't inspiring then you're probably still of the belief that the church has all the truth and their testimonies will probably come off as strange, extreme, or unimportant.
Until you experience Jesus for yourself, it's all just inspirational and will keep you longing for the next conference, podcast, book, or speech. And that is okay, for a time. And then comes the time where you want to know for yourself if you are His and if you are saved and who really is this Savior of your soul and why does He delight in you so much.
I truly believe that those who have real, frequent, and lasting intimacy with Jesus are the ones that can't stop desiring everyone to find a personal relationship with Him. This is why the LDS version of Jesus no longer resonates with me and is something I am trying to protect my children from. I was pretty sure our family would end up back at church at some point...that this step away was only temporary. But when we went to a wedding this summer (I blogged about earlier) and I sat at the feet of the marble Christus statue with the pre-recorded message....all the memories of the LDS church 'Jesus' came flooding back to me. And for the first time I knew there was no going back. This was not the Jesus I wanted my kids to be saturated with week after week, conference after conference, testimony after testimony.
I encourage you to ask, seek and knock until Jesus is opened up to you. Matthew 16 is something that is very real and available to each of us personally. Jesus is asking you, right now:
Whom do men say that I
the Son of man
am?
Well? What is your understanding of Jesus according to what you are taught each week. Pause here, really - and answer that!
His disciples answered Jesus saying, "Some say that thou art John the Baptist: some, Elias; and others, Jeremias, or one of the prophets."
So YOU answer Him.
And then after you say what others are saying...Imagine Him asking you the most important question of your life:
